When they find me dead in a ditch

...I want everyone to know, "Nick told me so."

My job does not start until August 19 (so close, yet so far) and, while many might see this as a "priceless opportunity" or "time to be wisely spent"  I've chosen to see it as "proof that I flounder without structure."  Yeah - go ahead, say I told you so Mr. Smuggysmug - you go enjoy your time alone, and I'll pine for my structure.  

Weekend jaunts to the DC and Charlottesville areas, while hilarious, haven't quite been enough to keep me sane during the work week and a girl can go on but SO MANY hikes with her adorable dog before she gets tired of being sweaty all the time.   So, after a lot of pacing, several hours of catching up on almost the entire dinosaur comics archive, and infinite youtube surfing I finally found myself sinking to the lowest level of entertainment.  No, not pornography folks - I wrote a whole thesis on that junk, it's way better than this - I've become an avid reader of the cragislist personals. 

I'm new to the personals business, so I don't think I've quite figured out how to decode them yet - but they provide a heck of a lot of entertainment.  I might not know what "bmi" stands for - but I DO know that picture of you in a bathing suit has a 1997 date on it.  I'm on to you, Mister! However, as all hilarity in my life,  good-natured hilarity slowly leads to Very Bad Ideas.  

Very Bad Idea associated with reading the cragislist personals: answering a craigslist personal.  

Here is the personal ad in question: 

" I know when to use two, too, to or 2... amazing, right? - 32 (Roanoke)

Yep, I know all about to and too, I'm fluent that way. 

So anyway, I'm white, into film, well traveled, about 5,9 but sometimes my hair, which is thick and brown, gets a little wavy (70's style) and makes me taller! No kids, no ex wives or anything, and I don't smell weird. 

I assume you are bored with eating out with your parents or that one friend that talks about her bf/husband non-stop. Maybe you are a student but want something more than just books to spend time with. Whatever, just be sane please... no more than two cats. 

If you don't go out much, that's fine with me. I'm really easy to talk to and specialize in shy people, or at least they gravitate toward me for some reason... so maybe I've got a niche!"

Now - this person sounds adorable.  His pick-up line is, in essence, "I can properly manipulate homonyms!"  And he says he doesn't smell weird!  And...and he acknowledges the existence of cat ladies!  How cute!  How appropriately adorable and witty!  How perfect a match!

The women in my life, namely my mother, best buds, and other consulted female friends, all feel that contacting this dude would be a good idea.  His age, we all feel, should not stop OUR POSSIBLE LOVE (or friendship).   However, my loving and caring care-taker, Nick feels differently.  Emphatically differently.  He echoed the fears I will now outline:

- Dude might ax-murder me.  Sure, we'd meet in a public place and talk about adorable things, but then he could be an ax murder.  And ax murder me later.  It could happen.  Sure, maybe I can' ACTUALLY live my life in fear of being serial-killed (killed!  multiple times!  in similar ways!) but...I feel personal ads have an extra high "ax murder fear" attached to them.

- Answering personal ads is creepy.  Maybe I've got latent ax-murdering tendencies which will never be realized unless I start doing creepy things like answering craigslist personal ads.

- Dude could be creepy in non-ax murdering ways.  And then we live in the same, not exactly large, area.  And that could be unfortunate for all sorts of reasons.

- Answering a personal ad makes me feel like I'm very desperate.  I don't even really WANT to be dating someone right now - it's not like I'm dying for Male Relationships such that I've resorted to personal ads.  I DO want friends, but...do I want the personal ads kind?

OH INTERNAL TURMOIL, WILL YOU EVER RESOLVE YOURSELF?  

Certainly not - then what would there to be for me to have all kinds of drama over?