Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It keeps you warm too, doesn't it?

It used to be the case such that I could only post things online after midnight. Considering I go to bed at 9pm these days - I think pushing 11 is dangerously late enough.

It's windy outside and despite the fact that it's still 60 something degrees, I imagine it's chilly. In true Meg On The Internet fashion, weather patterns such as these combined with the sudden Late Night Stir Crazies make me wish I were a runner. Well - more specifically, a runner across the forlorn moors, filled with a wistful passion witnessed only by the moon and the heart of her lover, stirring somewhere in the deepest of night. Tendrils of hair, softly caressed by the shivering wind, as well as sighs like the wings of a dove are also featured prominently in this scenario.

(True story: I've thought more than once - more than twice, even - about writing a romance novel. I think I'd try to make it a choose-your-own-adventure post modern experience. I am not actually being facetious right now.)

True story, the second: the reason I like the Idea Of Boyfriends is that I like the idea of someone who goes out and runs away with you when you're feeling restless. Autonomy? Sense of self? Individual goals and dreams? Pssshhhhht. Please. He needs to have (1)the flying kind of dragon, (2)a penchant for escaping into darkest of night like the last glimmers of the sunset and (3)something that makes him a feisty, yet non-problematic foil. True story the second, part deux: sometimes I wonder whether or not I'll encourage my children to read fantasy novels growing up.

Aside from non-problematic male foil characters, I have pretty much two weaknesses when it comes to OMGBOYZ. Those two, for anyone who knows me well, are certainly floppy hair and beards. Long has my beard love been mocked. Long has my call for the hirsute gone unanswered. Long have I stood, the lone girl in favor of the face blanket.

But - my friends - my hour has come. Yes, MSNBC confirms it: 2009 is the year of the beard.

Perhaps we saw this coming - perhaps the hipster (were the hipster to self-identify in the first place, let alone acknowledge trends' power over him) would say he's been rocking the beard for at least a year now. Perhaps the hipster isn't wrong.

I am just thoroughly pleased to see a few things here, really. First and foremost - I am excited to see public sentiment sway in favor of the well-trimmed beard. They look so good on so many men, especially when properly maintained and, for the sake both of my male friends and my eye-candy, I am pleased. Secondly - and this is a big one - I am exceedingly pleased that MSNBC mentions the stubble issue.

Recently, I've become something of an anti-stubble activist. Dear dudes: we know it looks manly. Trust me, you're rugged like you don't even know. But you know what else you're doing? Rubbing our faces with shark skin. If you're one of those guys who has 3-day stubble by 5pm then, well, maybe you should be a beard man. Otherwise I can almost guarantee you've made at least one partner tear up, if not bleed. Melodramatic? Possibly. True? Certainly. Dear dudes, again: the time has come to stop claiming ignorance! The time has come to make your faces nice places to hang out! The time has come to go beard or go home.

Third, I am glad that the beard is in, which - while closely related to the mustache, is not the mustache and, perhaps, will kick the mustache out of fashion again. Let me explain - there are people who are allowed to have mustaches. Those people include: my father, Snidley Whiplash, dapper gentlemen taking ladies for a ride on their bicycles built for two, and a select number of Distinguished Older Gentlemen. Anyone who sports a 1970s porn 'stache, however, should seriously reconsider his decision. By "seriously reconsider his decision" I mean to say, of course, that he looks dumb. And creepy. And dumb. Join that mustache up with your chin hair and make something respectful of it! As I said before: go beard or go home.

Lastly - Zak mentioned that The Beard Is Coming Back, and I was not kidding when I said that was the best news I heard all night. See, Zak? The nation is behind your beard. The beard is your accessory, your means of self expression, your flair. With your impressive beard, you can make more bearded friends! You can have beard societies! You can...you know...introduce me to said bearded friends.

Make sure one of them has one of the flying kind of dragon, okay? Or, you know, at least some respectable floppy hair.

4 comments:

catherine said...

Rolling Stone called the return of the Beard a few months ago since so many amazing musicians have taken up the look. I am right there with ya sister, in terms of beards making me swoon.

kenny phlegm said...

I think you may be a tad too enthusiastic. We've forgotten why the Beard left us like an alcoholic father stepping out for a pack on Winstons: not everyone can grow one.

Lincoln and Whitman made it look easy, but can you imagine the days of when beards were mandatory, how many horrible beard growers there were? The patchy, gross, moss-like filth that you buy at Michael's (craft store reference) was on 70% of dudes' faces. Scaring the shit out of people.

So Beard's aren't for everyone. Impressionable guys be warned.

Oh yeah, and go look at the blog in which you did not recognize me. I think I posted something that you'll simultaneously love and hate.

Zak said...

:) Quite the shout out! Sharkskin pending activation.

10 Reasons to Grow "Teh" Beard

Beard Styles (typical)

Anyone can has one


And don't forget Thoreau's Style

Zak said...

OOPS forgot to ask.... you like the kind of friends with BEARDED DRAGONS, right?

(I hope I'm not getting involved in some kind of innuendo flying over my head.)

I will choose wisely.... *chin stroke*